Life

Chinese New Year right now. But I'm not feeling good. I don't know the reason, maybe just a jealous feeling run around my head. I'm not used to feel be ignored. I'm not used to feel be scorned. Not a good feeling. I'm sad. It's really a bad thing!! Is it my big challenge as what those in Chinese said, fan tai shui!! I crush my family, I crush my luck in 2012, I crush everything in good but just meet the bad one. How helpless I'm feeling now=.=

Do you all know? I just feel liked, you are thinking I'm the rich one, I able to bear everything that you think that I should bear with. Ya, you are right, I should bear everything of yours as just return back what you gave me since I'm a baby until today. I will, I will make it. But shall I make it just a little late more? While the time I'm ready, while the time I could be. While the time I'm free from studying. I promised, I promised, I'm take care of yours. But please, think of my situation right now, I couldn't bear it all that I'd tried. 

My dear daddy and mommy, could you please tell me what you want actually. I'm your eldest daughter, I'm also the most suffered daughter behind you. You aren't treat me in a fair way, I forced to accept all the rules that you set but while my sister and brother break your rule and did the things against your rules I forced to accept that you just forgive liked the rules disappear and no longer exist. The feeling is bad bad bad bad, the worst!!!! Do you know it???

I'm also not sure, since when I feel that I'm the earning machine, I collected your hope, and you invested on me.  Somehow, you showoff what I own to your friends your siblings and so on. I can understand that you really happy that your daughter din't disappoint you. But I'm not clear about your reason, why you push me on, and let me be your hope but you just treat me oppositely from them. My sis and bro. If I could choose, I would like to be the one who are just normal and not burden in being a good talent in front of my sibling. 

Ya, I'm going to plan my own life. Someday, I would able to stay in my own life with my beloved one. May the new life make me a new hope and it's the mainstay for me to stay smart and go on and go on.